101 Ways to Truly Screw up Your Life

Who is Jack…continued

His solitude brought him to the brink of extreme anxiety and due to a slight ear infection he lost his balance and fell into despair. Few options were left and Jack realised that looking right helped him none. After having roamed the street for hours and perhaps even several hours, Jack began to contemplate what later turned out to be the first of many failures. The plan involved a bank, a pair of sneakers and a decent portion of Dutch courage, not to mention a M16 that he had carved out of Italian granite.

Having consumed a healthy breakfast consisting of little more than day old dried pasta, Jack began the tedious and at times troublesome journey to the bank, which for the sake of convenience was located on the ground floor of his apartment block. The first few minutes of his bank visit were spent on getting orientated. Being the first ever visit to a bank, Jack quickly learned that a bank looks a lot like a school library at 3 am. The alarm bells rang out and being severely intoxicated helped little. With one hand being preoccupied with blocking out the 200 decibels of razor-sharp ringing the other hand knew nothing of what was going on and slowly lost its grip on the 120 pound granite block.

 

To be continued…

 

101 Ways to Truly Screw up Your Life

Who is Jack Tellaw?

Over the past many hours I have heard people ask, who is this Jack Tellaw bloke that I have heard virtually nothing about?

Well folks, I have through the grapevines heard that a story can be told in so many diverse ways. Some ways are good and some are not so good. I have chosen to simple tell my story the way my psychotherapist saw it. Whether it turns out to be good or bad is of no real relevance to me and shouldn’t be to you neither, at least not if you’ve ever met my psychotherapist.

 

Jack Tellaw grew up in a minute, yet very dusty and troubled village, not from the hills of Athens, Greece. Being the only son of a Greek shipping tycoon, Jack soon became accustomed to the riches that surrounded so many of his neighbours. It was not before his 16^th birthday that he came to realise that his parents were not in shipping but in farming. To be more accurate, they had twenty-eight goats and a three-legged arse, which for the most part of the winter slept in Jacks bed.  Shortly after his 24^th birthday his mother kicked him out of the family’s two-bedroom semidetached and semi-roofed farmhouse when Jack for the first time ever, failed to put down the toilet seat.

 

Disillusioned and disorientated he later that same year found a job on the docks of Athens. Three shifts into this newfound happiness his heart almost broke when he realised that the sea was too far away for comfort. He renounced his job and began his week long journey towards the Promised Land. Italy was no kinder to him than Greece had been, although the food was much better apart from missing all the pleasures of the Greek yogurt traditions. Being a waiter during the off season soon brought his memories back to his days in school. It was in particular the math part that haunted him. Math had always been a torment in his young life with no pocket calculator in sight. I guess it didn’t help any, that his teacher was convinced that math was a ruling truth in life and that he (his teacher) was the chosen messiah who was destined to make the world kneel in aw and shout “long live math” and “hail to the masters of equations”. School was also a place where solitude and isolation became a great friend in which Jack could find support and much sought after understanding.

 

To be continued…

 

 

 

101 Ways to Truly Screw up Your Life

In a world that has over the past decade or so become increasingly obsessed with success and with all aspects of being successful the time has arrived to allow unsuccessfulness to make its presence known and to allow professional as well as personal failures and the people that makes these failings come forth to roam free and create an environment that dictates that they need no longer pretend that they are anything else than what they really are. In other words, the time has arrived to reintroduce some nourishing natural balance to the lives of ordinary people living in the western civilisation and beyond.

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Depending on where in the western hemisphere you woke up this morning, chances are that you will in the course of the next 24 hours or 1440 minutes come across and be exposed to at least a dozen television shows that will either portray the lives of successful people or give advice on how to be successful in various aspects of life, ranging from the financial part to the more intimate part such as travelling and health.

However, the television shows are merely the top of the iceberg. Underneath that cold blue ocean surface of information you will find hundreds of news paper articles and special stories in the majority of the large fashion magazines. On top of that we are bombarded on an hourly basis with commercials, ads and radio programmes that are devoted to special products that are designed, created and produced to enhance our chances of turning into successful people.

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Success is no longer reserved to a few of the lucky members of society; it has instead evolved into an entitlement that every citizen is required to pursue in order to be considered a well adjusted member of the respective realm. The consequences of not being recognised as a successful individual are, depression, multi bodily malfunctioning and an increasing number of people with feelings of inadequacy and fake smiles.

For the above stated reasons I believe it is time to introduce ways of recreating some balance and perhaps teach our successful friends and family members that being a failure can be both good for the soul and worth a few smiles. Being a failure should be a God given right and should not in any ways be considered demeaning.

There are ample ways for successful people to screw things up and hence recreate some much needed balance in their too flourishing lives.

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I have come up with an entire 101 ways to screw up life and I have for the sake of convenience enclosed step-by-step instructions on how to carry out these 101 ways. These 101 ways have in turn, for added ease, been divided into twelve separate categories covering aspects of life such as love, career, health, travel and business as well as seven other aspects, which make it a total of twelve if I take my left sock off.

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The point is to create some sort of semi serious counter-move against all the progress toward success that is being executed by various companies and by the moderately deceitful socio economic forces of society in general.

The blog is based mostly on my own life which I have been screwing up successfully for years.

In conclusion I would like to point out that only by a mutual effort can we reset this situation to factory standard and perhaps regain what is rightfully ours, namely a suitably portion of common sense and a slice of homemade raspberry pie.

Check out the categories at the top, or perhaps your right depending on how you view you screen.

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With warm regards,

 

Jack Tellaw

Greetings dear reader

Greetings to all that may stumble across this blog. Needless to say, and this will become evident within a few nanoseconds, I am no wizard at this nor do I harbour any ambitions of being a wizard of such or any other technological advancements. My presence here is merely to utter a few phrases of objections regarding the status quo, in particular what the pursuit of “success” is concerned. Once I’ve figure out what I need to say on the subject I shall return to this forum and deliver my views on the subject.

Jack W. Tellaw