101 Ways to Truly Screw up Your Life

Who is Jack…continued

His solitude brought him to the brink of extreme anxiety and due to a slight ear infection he lost his balance and fell into despair. Few options were left and Jack realised that looking right helped him none. After having roamed the street for hours and perhaps even several hours, Jack began to contemplate what later turned out to be the first of many failures. The plan involved a bank, a pair of sneakers and a decent portion of Dutch courage, not to mention a M16 that he had carved out of Italian granite.

Having consumed a healthy breakfast consisting of little more than day old dried pasta, Jack began the tedious and at times troublesome journey to the bank, which for the sake of convenience was located on the ground floor of his apartment block. The first few minutes of his bank visit were spent on getting orientated. Being the first ever visit to a bank, Jack quickly learned that a bank looks a lot like a school library at 3 am. The alarm bells rang out and being severely intoxicated helped little. With one hand being preoccupied with blocking out the 200 decibels of razor-sharp ringing the other hand knew nothing of what was going on and slowly lost its grip on the 120 pound granite block.

 

To be continued…